...and it's gone

Every year there is always so much build-up to Christmas. My husband Isaac and I play Christmas songs in the car, I count down the days, we organize gifts for family and friends . . . Christmas break itself seems to spin away at a faster pace than other weeks of the year.

The whirlwind is over now, and I'm back in Halifax reclining on a chair with my slippers on while Isaac watches TV. I have a moment to stop and reflect on our trip back to Ontario for the holidays ... our trip back "home" for the holidays? But by the end of it, I'm talking of going back "home" to Halifax? It's a strange mix of emotions. When I said good-bye to my parents at the Toronto airport I felt sad to say good-bye, and yet excited because I knew Isaac was waiting for me at the end of the journey. (Isaac had had to drive home ahead of me for a weekend of military training.)

Looking back, we both agree that we had a good Christmas. There were wonderful events -- a Christmas concert at the church we were married in, Sonja's bridal shower, several turkey dinners, a fancy "high tea" with the girls in the wedding party, Grandma's birthday, and Isaac's parents' annual Christmas Eve open house with sparkling lights and bowls of steaming French onion soup. But when I look back over the past few weeks, there are a few moments that I find myself savouring. It's not my birthday ice cream cake or the boxing week shopping sprees ... the moments that I cherish the most were often simple and inexpensive.

Sitting here in my slippers, it makes me smile to think of all the Scrabble games we played, with Kristel determined to master the game. I'm thinking of a tray of holiday tea, delicate tea cups in front of the fireplace with Isaac's parents and younger sister. Over two weeks I watched the world transform from muddy green to sparkling snow and ice. Lying on the couch knitting after the Christmas concert, sharing stories of our best and worst Christmases with Leah and Isaac's parents while Isaac dozed on the floor. Leaning back in a breakfast booth, enjoying that second cup of coffee with my parents. Seeing our brother and sister-in-laws' new home was a high priority on our list -- we had a great visit and I loved cuddling, playing and helping bathe my one-year-old niece. Making a snow fort with my five-year-old niece Hannah was more fun than I thought it would be. Other members of the family complimented me for being "so good with her" but to be honest it was no sacrifice -- it's been too long since I've played in the snow! I had to leave partway through the process to go hunting for bridesmaid dresses; when I returned, my Dad was carefully sculpting snow animals for Hannah to play with. She has us all wrapped around her finger! At one point four adults -- my parents, myself and my brother -- were captive under her control as she played "teacher" and we were her students!

I really enjoyed New Year's Eve this year ... the only downside was being separated from Isaac. I stayed in and babysat Hannah at my parents' house. My brother ended up staying in that night, too, and Kristel returned after going out for dinner. I had asked Hannah's mom to pack Hannah a shirt she could paint in, which had tantalized her curiosity. We did watercolour paintings, writing secret messages and drawings in white crayon that would be revealed by a stroke of paint. She let me do her hair, which is always a bonus. Hannah stayed up until midnight -- she was trying to look excited, but the poor girl was practically falling asleep! Kristel prepared sparkly drinks for all of us as we watched the ball drop in New York City and shouted the countdown.

After our two-minute midnight celebration, we sat around and I pulled out the jars I had set out all evening -- one for "2012 highlights", one for "predictions" and one for "resolutions." I read them out loud, and we had to try to guess who had written what. Resolutions and predictions ranged from the serious to the absurd (my brother predicts Hannah will 'lose her accent' and my Dad is predicting FIVE new engagements in our extended family!). Hannah's pieces were obvious -- her 2012 highlight read "I like animals" and "I like Christmas because I get presents." If the writing wasn't a giveaway, her nervous giggle was.

Hannah was to sleep in my bed that night, and seeing how she was fading fast we both went to bed shortly after midnight. As we settled in her little voice asked in the dark: "Do you want to do a hugsleep?" I said, "What's a hugsleep?"

"Well..." she said. "It's when you're hugging but you're sleeping at the same time." And she put her little arms around me.
Through the night and morning, when she wasn't in a deep sleep she would instinctively reach her hand out to know I was there. There is something really special about feeling a little hand reach out and rest on your cheek or your arm.

Spending time with family at Christmas makes Isaac and I dream of our own future family. When he picked me up from the airport, Isaac surprised me by saying that he had been thinking along those lines. While we both want to wait a few years, we both can't help but wonder what traditions we will have for our own children one day. I always like to dream, to plan ahead, but I am learning to stop and be thankful for the simple and beautiful things in life. Right now cups of tea, Scrabble games, and a five-year-old's New Year's resolutions are the things I'm treasuring.