good-bye lolita

I haven't given up on a book in a long time. Sure, there are some books that I bail on within the first few chapters. But I was so close to finishing Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita before I decided -- what did I have to prove? -- I might as well toss it aside.

I was so disappointed. Last summer I read the memoir Reading Lolita in Tehran about a women's book club, led by a professor, that persisted after the Iranian Revolution. The way the author talked about Lolita made me long to read it. I figured it was a safe choice, since other books mentioned in the memoir were some favourites of mine. When I spotted a copy of Lolita in a used bookstore, I gladly spent the six dollars to purchase it.

I have given up on Lolita for several reasons. The main one is that I can't stomach it anymore. I knew the plot was about a possessive relationship, but I didn't realize that the possessive man in the relationship was in his forties while the female was twelve years old. The narrator (the man) spends long paragraphs admiring Lolita's developing body and defending his taboo desires. I would have tossed the book aside much earlier, but I thought it must have a point, or it must get better.

Maybe I'm just not sophisticated enough, but unless there's a huge twist right at the end I don't get the point.  Despite its scandalous content, it also just got really boring. Boring enough to have me drop out on page 236.

I think I'd like to donate Lolita back to the bookstore. I don't really like the thought of it living on my bookshelf.

global history 12: colonialism in africa mini-unit

I just finished a mini-unit with the Global History 12 class on colonialism in Africa. A skeleton of the unit:

Day 1: 
Focus on the attitudes/motivation behind European colonization, such as racism, eurocentrism, religion, and competition.

• Show a map of Africa and ask students: what comes to mind when you think, "Africa?" Have students share what immediately comes to mind and write it on the board.
• Brief powerpoint introducing the colonization of Africa. Between 1880 and 1900, Africa was rapidly divided up between European powers. Why? Introduce some of the reasons as a list. 
• Show the 1927 ad "Jungles Today are Gold Mines Tomorrow" to illustrate economic reasons
• Introduce Rudyard Kipling
• Handout: the poem "The White Man's Burden" (1899) 

• I also included a Pears' Soap advertisement using the phrase "The White Man's Burden" on the back to illustrate how it was a part of Western culture
• Using this poem may depend on the class -- some students were overwhelmed and found it difficult. I told them not to worry about understanding every word, but understanding the main points. 
• TED talk: "The Danger of the Single Story" by Nigerian author Chimamanda Adichie 
• Discuss: Do you think colonial attitudes still affect the way we view Africa? What do you think perpetuate some of the "single stories" we have of Africa (refer back to brainstorm)? Have you ever had a "single story" about someone? Has anyone ever had a "single story" about you because of your age or any other factor? 
• Handout the final assignment rubric and deadline 

Day 2 

Focus on process of colonization. 

• Brief powerpoint introducing the term "The Scramble for Africa" and the Berlin Conference 
• Play "Scramble for Africa" game 
• I found this idea on another teacher's blog 
• Board is a regular sheet of paper with a blank map of Africa 
• Students divide into groups of six 
• Each student is assigned a country and they are given a specific goal which must be kept secret from the other players 
• Each student (country) gets coloured "pieces" (1" x 1" pieces of coloured paper) 
• Starting with Great Britain, each student places one of their pieces on the board at a time based on their goals 
• If students want the same piece of land, they have to "go to war" (rock paper scissors!) 
• Each country gets a different number of pieces, depending on how much African territory they got historically: 
• England: 6 pieces
• France: 5 pieces
• Germany: 4 pieces
• Italy: 2 pieces 
• Portugal: 3 pieces
• Spain: 2 pieces 
• Country goals: 
• England: north-south
• France: east-west 
• Germany: east coast and west coast
• Italy: coastal areas, preferably closer to Italy 
• Portugal: coastal areas
• Spain: coastal areas 
• Rules of War: 
• Countries go to war through rock, paper scissors
• Best two out of three wins 
• The "defeated" piece is dead and cannot be played on the board again 

This game went really well (although grade 12 students had to be reassured that it did indeed have a point)

• show a map of how Africa was divided on the powerpoint, have students compare it to their completed board games
• Clean up board games, return to seats
• Brief notes/powerpoint on the outcome of the Berlin conference, the goals of the different countries, etc. 
• Compare a map of cultural and lingual groups in Africa to a map of how Africa was divided -- any potential problems? What factors were considered in the division of Africa? What factors were not? 

Day 3: 

Focus on the process of de-colonization and the continued effects of colonialism. 

• Recap from the previous day
• Handout: map of colonial Africa and modern Africa 
• Show a world map of country economies. What do students notice? Africa is poor. Gap between north and south. Why? 
• In my students' textbooks ("Viewpoints" pg. 96), there was a piece called "Explaining the Gap" that went into colonialism and neocolonialism
• Have students break into groups of 2-5. Read the textbook piece. Assign each group one of the three textbook questions. 
• Give each group a piece of chart paper and markers. Have them make a poster or diagram of their answer. 
• At the end of class have groups present their answers and allow for discussion. 

Day 4 &5: 

Work periods for students to work on final projects (rubric and project description was handed out the first day)

• Individually or in partners students are to present on the colonial history of one African country 
• Presentations must include a brief description of the country, a history of colonialism, explanation of de-colonization, and the continued impact of colonialism 
• Presentation must include a handout (map/timeline/notes) for classmates 
• Oral presentation rubric 
• In order to keep students on task during the two work periods, I made "Process" part of the presentation rubric 

Day 6&7: 

Presentations. 

• In order to keep audience engaged, I followed my cooperating teacher's advice: have other students write notes on each presentation that must include 1) 3-5 facts 2) a compliment 3) a piece of constructive criticism 
• Collect these notes! 

If I had had extra time in the unit, I would have included a piece from Chinua Achebe's Education of a British-Protected Child and a bit of time dedicated to South Africa, since it is an exception to some of the general patterns of colonialism in Africa. 

staff meeting notes

This week students at the high school are writing exams. This leaves teachers to facilitate exams, prepare for next semester, and wade through stacks of marking (one English teacher measured a two-foot high pile!). Unfortunately for the English department, it also meant a three-hour professional development meeting.

The meeting was beneficial for me to be a part of as a new teacher. The meeting went a little awry -- I watched with a tinge of admiration as one teacher firmly told another teacher off.

I was reminded again that people's perceptions of you can change depending on simple word choices. Using objective terms like: "you're right," "the way to go is...", "the problem with that is..." or "excellent idea" can come across as arrogant. Even positive phrases can come off as condescending. Talking to your colleagues this way will get their backs up and you will eventually be told off.

A simple little "I think..." can go a long way -- professionally and personally.

history teachers be careful

Next month I'll be starting a novel study of The Book of Negroes with a grade 12 class. I've been looking for resources and ideas to incorporate into the unit -- reading slave narratives, history books, browsing pictures, and watching video clips. I think it would be really interesting to do a lesson on spirituals that slaves sang (you know, "Sweet Chariot" or "Wade in the Water"). I figure this is something many teachers have probably taught before, so, as usual, I thought -- "Why reinvent the wheel?" and did an online search.

One of the ideas I came across: using the supplied handout, "for homework students will write their own Negro spiritual."

???

A class of white upper-middle class kids writing their own spirituals? What a joke! I think sometimes history teachers forget that they are telling the story of real people -- people who deserve respect. When I read about Holocaust crosswords, "write-your-own-spiritual" handouts, or inappropriate role play I realize that this is sometimes lost.

the real tragedy

"Kids these days" (I know, I know, I'm only 23!) are smarter than me in so many ways. They can do pretty much everything on their phones, they can create appealing graphics and they can edit a video clip to perfection. But they do suck at a few things. One of those is spelling. I've already written one blog post about spelling, but I feel the need for an outlet to laugh about it. To record it -- even just for my own amusement.

Today I marked grade 11 student notes on the film version of Shakespeare's Othello. While I was happy to see that most of them caught the bulk of the plot and characters, I had to smile at some of the following quotes:
(For those who aren't familiar with Othello, it's a tragedy that takes place in Venice and Cyprus. The main characters are Othello, his wife Desdemona and the villain Iago.)

"Othello and Destamana get a lope at night so no one knows their married."

"Cassio is the new leuftennant."

"Othello is inragged." (It took me a second to realize that was "enraged.")

"Iago tells Rodrigo to call Des' fauther." (father?! really?)

"Desdemona's father is the senitor."

Apparently very few of them knew how to spell Venice. I got "Vinece," "Venis," and -- my personal favourite -- "Venus."

"Othello and Desdemona sneak off in Venus to get married." haha I just imagine an alien, outer-space version of the play!

I'm not trying to be mean, and I know my spelling isn't perfect ... But for grade 11 students -- all of whom have English as their first language -- really?!

The grade 12 students aren't much better. After almost thirteen years in public education, in one paragraph one student wrote Egypt three different ways: "Egypt," "Eygypt," and "Eygmptions."

And although this isn't a spelling issue, I have to include it. When my grade 12 classes did partner presentations on African countries, I asked the other students to take notes on each presentation including: 3-5 facts, 1 piece of constructive criticism, and 1 compliment.

I guess I should have clarified ... I ended up getting compliments like:

"HOLY SHIT! That was a good presentation!" (excuse my language)
and "I liked Kristina's sweater."

fads i remember

Last night I watched a movie in which Jennifer Aniston sported a bucket hat. My first thought was: "Adults wore those, too?" My second thought was of my own denim bucket hat with Winnie the Pooh stitched on the front.  From there, memories of other fads just kept coming ...

Tights and bulky matching sweaters: I had a big pink sweater that hung down to mid-thigh that had a picture of puppies on it. The green in the picture of puppies was perfectly matched by my green tights. One girl in my grade four class came to school wearing the older version of this fad: solid colour sweater (with a half-zipper) and solid tights. Specifically, she wore a bright yellow sweater with black tights. I remember thinking she looked so cool! When we complimented her, she modestly cooed: "I thought I looked like a bumblebee!" Today, tights are back -- minus the bulky sweaters, of course.

Platform thong sandals: I remember when thong sandals first appeared. I remember giggling at the name and getting used to that strange feeling of plastic between my toes. I had my own pair of platform thong sandals. I remember the popular crowd from a few grades ahead of me piling on the bus, all of the girls wearing the exact same Old Navy black thong sandals.

MSN: Three-way conversations. Cryptic names. Talking to boys on MSN that you never had the nerve to talk to in person. At my school, the MSN craze came right along with the firehotquotes.com craze -- all of our MSN names were stolen from that site. (example: "U laugh because I'm different, I laugh because ur all the same.") Blocking someone from MSN was the ultimate insult.

Hotmail: (with ridiculous, stupid names that were impossible to remember -- mine was airicka_52@hotmail.com)

Butterfly clips: Although painful if you ever accidentally lied down on one of these, I thought they were so pretty! The pale colours, some of them sparkly ... One girl at my church always had a perfect arch of butterfly clips across her head.

Yo-yos: When I think of yo-yos, I remember sitting on my elementary school bus watching as a grade 8 boy walked down the aisle to his seat at the back of the bus. As he walked down the aisle, he spun his yo-yo and did tricks with it. What confidence!

The backpack purse: These were dressy little purses that you wore on your back. I had a glossy black one that I took great pride in hanging on the coat hook at church before going to Sunday School.

Furbies: Was there ever a creepier toy? I never had one, but I remember sleeping over at a friend's house who did. She had to put the furby in her closet, where it mumbled for a few minutes and finally stopped.

Mr. Noodles: Maybe this was just a fad at my elementary school -- I don't know. All I know is that it was the coolest thing to eat Mr. Noodles raw as a snack at recess. My mother didn't provide us with this snack because she said it was unhealthy, so I had to trade my Fruit by the Foot or Fruit Roll Ups (so healthy!) for them.

Beanie Babies: I was never into this fad as much as some of my friends, whose shelves of untouched Beanie Babies I coveted. My sister and I had a few. Even though we invested in plastic covers for the tags (apparently if you damaged the tags your "collector's item" was totally worthless), we couldn't help but play with them.

Avril Lavigne: This goes along with skateboarding culture first appearing in my world, complete with the guys' skater hairstyle that flipped out at the sides (sooo cute). I remember being at a friend's house and first hearing Avril Lavigne's song "Complicated." I lied on the bed listening and, in my mind, it spoke directly to my relationship with a boy in my grade 8 class.

Britney Spears:  I remember my friend opening her new Britney Spears CD and popping it into her blue and silver CD player. We listened to it the entire evening. How did the innocent, tanned Britney Spears from that CD cover become the Britney Spears of today? I have no idea.

Tamagotchi: That stupid little toy the size of a keychain that would die if you didn't give it adequate care. In grade 4 I remember owning a pair of Tamagotchi shoes -- white runners with plastic tamogotchis on them (I wish I could find a picture of a pair of these, but I can't.)

Skip it: (mine was purple)

Bop-It 

Flare jeans: Huge, billowing flare jeans.

Low-rise jeans: Forever connected to the Britney Spears craze.

Skorts: An earlier fad (I don't know if this was just a fad for my age group). The perfect mix of skirt and shorts.

Overalls: I had a pair of dark jean overall shorts with flowers stitched on them. I thought I looked really cool, especially when I paired it with one of my older sisters' spaghetti strap tops.

Northern Getaway sweaters: The ones with the pictures cats dressed up as the Backstreet Boys, with the pun, "Catstreet  Boys." Or cartoon mice resembling the Spice Girls, labelled, "Mice Girls."

Boy bands: Nick Carter was my favourite Backstreet Boy (you had to choose one!). My sister and I would go to the corner store to collect the stickers needed for her Backstreet Boy book. When Nsync first came out, we were wary of them because of our loyalty to the Backstreet Boys. It didn't take long, however, for them to win us over.

Sailor Moon (this is an earlier fad -- I remember playing Sailor Moon at recess in grade 1)

At our school, it was cool to make up secret languages. Every girl in the grade learned Fu (something that began as an elite language), and it drove the boys crazy that they couldn't understand it. Fu consisted of putting the letter "g" after the first letter of every syllable (ex: went = wgent -- prounced "wouldagent", shopping = shgoppging -- pronounced shouldagoppouldaging"

Scooters

Charm bracelets: Looking back, they really weren't pretty pieces of jewellery. Silver squares that would slowly be replaced by silver squares with symbols on them. Your charm bracelet became a way to explore and express your identity and all the important milestones in your short life.

Bandannas

Pigtails (or pigtail buns, placed low at the back of your head, often paired with a bandanna)

WWJD bracelets: These were so cool, and they were soon joined by PUSH (pray until something happens) and FROG (fully rely on God) bracelets.

Scrubs: This fad never reached my grade, but I remember some of my older sisters' friends wearing scrubs as a fashion statement.

Lip smackers: One year at my birthday party I received dozens of lip smackers. They came in every colour and flavour. I had a little blue tin to store mine in -- my first collection of beauty products.

Hairstyles: Hotties like Nick Carter sported the mushroom cut (with the middle part). For a few years, it was cool for girls to wear their hair pulled back with two lone strands of hair hanging on either side of their face (see my grade 4 school picture for my version of this style). At her grade 8 graduation, my oldest sister wore her hair back with two wisps of curled hair on either side of her face -- when she came down the stairs I said in awe, "You look like you're sixteen." The highest compliment.

... that was fun. Maybe one day, years from now, I'll look back at this record and smile again. It's amazing how little details like this jog one's memory!

If you want to add any other fads you remember, comment below!

fasting

"Fasting" is one of those hyper-spiritual, scary words in the Bible. It crops up again and again. Obviously fasting plays an important role and should have its place among spiritual disciplines -- so why have I never fasted?

I have never fasted because I don't understand fasting. I imagine that in order to fast "properly" you have to be some enrobed mystic with ashes on your head. I realized today with a start that one of the reasons I don't like the idea of fasting is that I have mistakenly viewed as some kind of manipulation of God. As I hear the news updates about Chief Spence, I realize that in many ways I thought fasting was more like a hunger strike -- a way to get attention and power.

My head has known, but my heart has not understood, that fasting can help you focus on prayer -- it can be a delight, a deeper communion with God. Jesus recognized a power in fasting --  he himself fasted.

Maybe there is something especially powerful about fasting today. It runs against the grain of our culture -- a culture of endless appetites and instant gratification. Maybe I expect there to a be shortcut to growing spiritually and seeking God -- a microwavable, in-only-five-minutes-a-day option. Maybe I need to learn to wait, to focus, to shut out distractions. Maybe I need to foster a restless hunger for God, that Spring of joy and peace that is far deeper, far purer, than the shallow substitutes of this world. Instead of using fasting as manipulation, maybe it is a way to humble myself and let God change me.

Just some thoughts ...

OCM update

It has been awhile since I first ventured into the Oil Cleansing Method (my first OCM blog post was in December 2012).

This is partly because my OCM regime was interrupted by ... a cold sore. A burning, bumpy, itchy patch of red below my lower lip. I haven't gotten a cold sore in about two years. Of course, the morning that I'm supposed to fly back home for Christmas I wake up with that tell-tale tingly feeling -- that feeling that persists no matter how much you deny it, that feeling that is just waiting to change into an ugly outbreak. Despite a 2 gram tube of Abreva that cost me over $20, the cold sore took a few weeks to heal. During that time I didn't feel like rubbing my face with oil and steaming it with a hot cloth.

Now I'm back to the OCM. In the past week I've done it twice. The first time I did a really thorough treatment that left my skin feeling amazing. The second time was a bit quicker -- I just did it in the shower. I probably use even more grapeseed oil than my original 2/3 castor oil, 1/3 grapeseed oil ratio (my skin is much drier in the winter). Since I just squirt the oils into my hands I haven't measured them exactly.

My skin feels soft and smooth. The OCM also seems to be helping me get rid of the tiny blackheads that plague my chin.

I feel happy about the fact that I'm not putting chemicals into my skin. I have a feeling I'll go through the grapeseed oil a lot quicker than the castor oil, though -- besides using more of it on my face, I've also been rubbing down my legs with it after getting out of the shower. Nice and light!

blame it on the frontal lobes

As I understand it, adolescent brains are different from adult brains. About a year ago I watched a documentary called "The Adolescent Brain." If I remember correctly, the major difference between adolescent and adult brains is that adolescents' frontal lobes are not fully developed.

The frontal lobe (pretty self-explanatory location) is responsible for decision making, considering consequences, planning ahead, and restraining risky behaviour.

What do you get when you have an undeveloped frontal lobe? You get speeding, stunts for the sake of a  Youtube video, impulsive spending, unprotected sex, etc., etc.

You get conversations like the one I overheard between two students today (while they were supposed to be using their work period in the library wisely!):

Student 1 (showing Student 2 a picture on her phone): "Yeah, I want to get this tattoo design, like really big, like, on my back."

Student 2: "That's super cool. It will be big, but still really cool. When are you gonna get it?"

Student 1: "Probably after prom, because I don't think it will look good with my dress."

... You're consciously putting off getting a large tattoo because you won't like it with certain outfits? What if you have a formal event in the future? What if you don't like the tattoo with your wedding dress? What if it doesn't look good in the bathing suit you buy next summer?

Maybe the frontal lobe can also be blamed for my very frustrating experience this morning. My first period class was supposed to launch into their partner presentations today. They had been given the rubric and project requirements a week ago. They had been given two full library work periods (75 minutes each), which should have been more than enough time for them to put together a short presentation on the colonial history of one African country.

Today I got a rude awakening into the real world of teaching. One by one, students dropped their problems, their stresses onto me:

"My friend spilled pop on my laptop this weekend."
"I emailed the powerpoint to myself, but it didn't open."
"I sent the presentation to my partner, but her mom accidentally deleted it."
"What do you mean by 'a handout'?"
"I didn't know what you meant by 'include the impact of colonialism' so I wasn't able to finish that part."
"I wasn't here on Friday." (with a look that says, "Obviously I wouldn't be ready!")
"I'm really tired this morning."
"I can't present -- I get anxiety."
"Can I go to the library to print something off?"
"My partner isn't here." (x3)

I felt so deflated and annoyed and stressed out by their problems. Grade. Twelve.

Of the entire class, only one person was completely ready to go (strangely enough, someone who chose to do it on their own!) What was I to do? My teacher and I lectured them and gave them 10 minutes to print, touch base, or find their powerpoint. After that amount of time, a few more groups were ready -- enough to fill the period.

I was further annoyed by one student who, claiming to "haaaate presentations," decided to have both her and her partner present by sitting in chairs behind the computer in the front corner of the classroom. Before they began (and before the whole class was listening), I suggested that she stand up to present.

She turned and gave me a look. "You're lucky I'm even up here!" she said.

I gave a little laugh. "No," I countered. "You're lucky that I'm letting you sit."

Your marks, not mine. Slouching behind a computer and reading off the screen in a mumbling voice will affect the "communication" aspect of your presentation :) When I mentioned this to my teacher later, I was told that this girl has not presented since grade six! At the beginning of the school year her mother approached my teacher to "let her know" that her daughter "doesn't do presentations."

Obviously that mother hasn't encountered a teacher like my supervising teacher -- with a stubborn determination to push her students.

"Well," my teacher had told her, "I don't exempt students from presentations just because they don't like doing them."

Teenagers may not have developed frontal lobes, but isn't that part of the reason they have parents? If your daughter is afraid of presentations (who isn't?) and frantic for any exit strategy (I've been there), she is not thinking ahead. She's not realizing that her fear is only going to get bigger and that she's never going to practice her presentation skills.

If a student has a real fear of public speaking, I'm all about flexibility (hence the option of powerpoint, presenting with a partner, etc.) But to have an attitude of entitlement, as if teachers owe her, as if "I'm lucky she's even up there" really gets under my skin! It's not a smart way to approach a teacher, especially if you're asking her for something or if you'll have to deal with her in the future.

Ignoring consequences and not taking  responsibility ... we can't blame everything on frontal lobes!


PS: Sorry that this turned into a bit of a rant -- long day! I promise, I really do like my students! 

new soup

I am a soup fiend. I love making and eating good soup. As winter fully buries us, I am bummed that my immersion blender is broken (what did I expect? I got it for $3 at a garage sale!) and am on the lookout for a new one.

Isaac and I are both so busy right now -- he's holding down two part time jobs and is a full-time student, while I'm student teaching full-time and working part-time. I hate it when we're both busy and we end up eating junk, so on Sunday I went to the Halifax Farmer's Market and purchased two frozen homemade soups.

We had the seafood chowder last night, and today I am trying the other flavour: beet parsnip pear soup! A different combo to be sure, but the vendor told me that it's one of her most popular soups -- people come back for it week after week.

Now I'm sitting here eating the beet-parsnip-pear concoction, and it's good! I'm going to have to find a recipe, because I'm curious to try to make it myself. It probably wouldn't be soup that I'd make often, but it's a different flavour to have once in awhile.

Some of my other favourite soups to make/freeze/eat:

• Carrot ginger soup (sooo cheap to make!) 
• Butternut squash soup
• Cream of broccoli with cheddar
• Good old chicken or turkey noodle soup 
• Chili 

I pinned a recipe on Pinterest for a cauliflower soup, and I also need to try to make borscht ... maybe the same day I attempt beet parsnip pear soup :) 

spelling matters

Some quotes from a recent assignment I marked for a grade 12 history class ... The question given to them was whether or not the benefits of technological advancements outweigh the harm. Now, before I publicly mock these students I do need to applaud them for at least writing their own assignments! I caught eight plagiarizers! These are for everyone who thinks spelling and grammar don't matter:

"The other testes included bone, muscle and nerve transplantation..."

"The benefits of these advancements out-way the cost" (you were given the word "outweigh" in the question!!)

This one isn't a spelling issue, but the student obviously gave up on an academic style: "Young girls are looking to the media for role models and all they are finding is celebrities with no meat on their bones to speak of running around half-naked on stage with more makeup than you can find in a drug store painted on their faces." Imagine that rant continuing for several pages.

And my personal favourite: "People ask who killed romance and shivery?"

the book of negroes

I just finished reading The Book of Negroes by Lawrence Hill. During my block of student teaching I'll be working with the grade 12 English teacher to do a unit on the novel in February.

I had high expectations going into the book. When I mentioned what I was reading, most people who were familiar with the book gushed that they had loved it. So maybe the high expectations have tainted my response to it. I liked the book, and I would definitely recommend it. I learned a lot from the book, too; even though it's a novel, the amount of history threaded through the chapters had me doing quick google searches out of curiosity.

The thing that kept this book from becoming one of my all-time favourite books was the main character, Meena. I never really connected to her. I felt that the book was more focused on jamming as much history as possible into it than it was on developing character depth. Meena was captured from her village in Africa, travelled across the Atlantic on a slave ship, worked on a Southern plantation, worked as a house slave, escaped, worked for the British, moved to Nova Scotia, moved to Sierra Leone, tried to find her way back to her village, and finally ended up in England telling her story to assist the abolitionist movement. Everywhere Meena went she a) survived and b) rose to a higher position. She encounters major historical figures, including the King and Queen of England. She is incredibly smart; she learns to read and write, learns how to be independent, is a skilled midwife, and picks up languages quickly. But she just didn't seem believable -- she didn't seem real to me. The book begins with her looking back on her life as an old woman in London, so perhaps knowing where she would end up took away from the suspense. By the four hundredth page, I was wondering when the book would be over.

I'm not trying to be overly critical -- it was an excellent book and it made me stop and think about the long history of black Canadians. I was truly moved by the realities of the slave trade (although reading Toni Morrison's Beloved a few years ago has probably desensitized me somewhat). While I understand the literary and historical value of The Book of Negroes, it's not one of my personal favourites. I lean more toward character-driven stories -- the Jane Eyres and Anne Shirleys and Hagar Shipleys that I feel like I know personally.

There's going to be a lot of material to work with when teaching this novel. The author has helped developed a very useful teacher's guide:

http://www.lawrencehill.com/BON-Teachers-Guide.pdf 

I don't know yet how much leeway the grade 12 teacher will let me have with this, but I'm already mulling over different ways to approach this book with a class ... I think the book does have a wide appeal and will hopefully connect with the majority of the students.

sweeter than honey

I'm back at the Psalms in my daily devotional reading. I don't know how many times I can go through David's verses, and something new strike me. This time I'm reading in my new Bible, a parallel with both the King James Version and New Living Translation.

Psalm 19:1-2  "The heavens declare the glory of God. The skies display his craftsmanship. Day after day they continue to speak; night after night they make him known."

The latter part of Psalm 19 is David taking delight in the law of the Lord. This probably seems a little odd to some people; many people perceive Christianity as "a list of rules" that repress natural inclinations.  But here David writes: "The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul . . . The commandments of the Lord are right, bringing joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are clear, giving insight for living . . . The laws of the Lord are true; each one is fair. They are more desirable than gold, even the finest gold. They are sweeter than honey, even honey dripping from the comb. They are a warning to your servant, a great reward to those who obey them."

In the NLT, verse 7 reads: "The instructions of the Lord are perfect, reviving the soul..." In the KJV, it says: "The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul." Converting. What does that mean? Something about the law of God touches our very core -- transforming, changing, converting our very soul. Reviving it back to the life it was designed for.

God is not about forcing us to do things we hate. Yes, sometimes we need to obey him when we don't understand. But ultimately, he will change us and give us the true desires of our souls. He wants us to delight in him, to delight in his word and his law.

As I get older, I'm beginning to see more and more how life-giving the law of God is. I have followed God throughout my teenage years and now my early twenties. I am reaping major benefits in my life. I have been protected from so much, shielded from carrying painful scars. Life still happens and things aren't perfect, but the commandments of the Lord give clear insight for navigating this life.

In Psalm 21:6, David talks about himself, the king: "You [God] have endowed him with eternal blessings and given him the joy of your presence." When I first read this in the NLT, I read it as meaning God granted David his presence. But the KJV reads: "For thou hast made him most blessed for ever: thou hast made him exceeding glad with thy countenance."

Maybe I'm reading too much into the word change, but doesn't the KJV sound a bit more like God planted desire and delight in David? The grace of God amazes me. God keeps us and provides what we need to follow him. If you lack faith, ask for it. If you lack a desire for God, ask for it. If you lack wisdom, ask for it. God can handle your questions and your weaknesses -- in Psalm 22, David peppers God with questions: "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" There is nothing sinful in this question, because Jesus himself later asks the same thing as he hangs on the cross. Following God is not a struggle of willpower ... it is deepening dependence on him.

Today I'm praying that God would make me exceeding glad with his countenance ... that I would learn to love him more and more ...

love is ...

... my grandfather's big dairy farmer hands, fumbling for long minutes to close Grandma's necklace clasp. Love is him changing her earrings, bathing her body, pulling on her clothes and fixing her hair. Love is holding hands after over sixty years. Love is Grandpa never complaining once, never treating her with any less respect. Love is preserving Grandma's dignity, smoothing over confused conversations and gently guiding her in the direction of the washrooms.

What an example.

...and it's gone

Every year there is always so much build-up to Christmas. My husband Isaac and I play Christmas songs in the car, I count down the days, we organize gifts for family and friends . . . Christmas break itself seems to spin away at a faster pace than other weeks of the year.

The whirlwind is over now, and I'm back in Halifax reclining on a chair with my slippers on while Isaac watches TV. I have a moment to stop and reflect on our trip back to Ontario for the holidays ... our trip back "home" for the holidays? But by the end of it, I'm talking of going back "home" to Halifax? It's a strange mix of emotions. When I said good-bye to my parents at the Toronto airport I felt sad to say good-bye, and yet excited because I knew Isaac was waiting for me at the end of the journey. (Isaac had had to drive home ahead of me for a weekend of military training.)

Looking back, we both agree that we had a good Christmas. There were wonderful events -- a Christmas concert at the church we were married in, Sonja's bridal shower, several turkey dinners, a fancy "high tea" with the girls in the wedding party, Grandma's birthday, and Isaac's parents' annual Christmas Eve open house with sparkling lights and bowls of steaming French onion soup. But when I look back over the past few weeks, there are a few moments that I find myself savouring. It's not my birthday ice cream cake or the boxing week shopping sprees ... the moments that I cherish the most were often simple and inexpensive.

Sitting here in my slippers, it makes me smile to think of all the Scrabble games we played, with Kristel determined to master the game. I'm thinking of a tray of holiday tea, delicate tea cups in front of the fireplace with Isaac's parents and younger sister. Over two weeks I watched the world transform from muddy green to sparkling snow and ice. Lying on the couch knitting after the Christmas concert, sharing stories of our best and worst Christmases with Leah and Isaac's parents while Isaac dozed on the floor. Leaning back in a breakfast booth, enjoying that second cup of coffee with my parents. Seeing our brother and sister-in-laws' new home was a high priority on our list -- we had a great visit and I loved cuddling, playing and helping bathe my one-year-old niece. Making a snow fort with my five-year-old niece Hannah was more fun than I thought it would be. Other members of the family complimented me for being "so good with her" but to be honest it was no sacrifice -- it's been too long since I've played in the snow! I had to leave partway through the process to go hunting for bridesmaid dresses; when I returned, my Dad was carefully sculpting snow animals for Hannah to play with. She has us all wrapped around her finger! At one point four adults -- my parents, myself and my brother -- were captive under her control as she played "teacher" and we were her students!

I really enjoyed New Year's Eve this year ... the only downside was being separated from Isaac. I stayed in and babysat Hannah at my parents' house. My brother ended up staying in that night, too, and Kristel returned after going out for dinner. I had asked Hannah's mom to pack Hannah a shirt she could paint in, which had tantalized her curiosity. We did watercolour paintings, writing secret messages and drawings in white crayon that would be revealed by a stroke of paint. She let me do her hair, which is always a bonus. Hannah stayed up until midnight -- she was trying to look excited, but the poor girl was practically falling asleep! Kristel prepared sparkly drinks for all of us as we watched the ball drop in New York City and shouted the countdown.

After our two-minute midnight celebration, we sat around and I pulled out the jars I had set out all evening -- one for "2012 highlights", one for "predictions" and one for "resolutions." I read them out loud, and we had to try to guess who had written what. Resolutions and predictions ranged from the serious to the absurd (my brother predicts Hannah will 'lose her accent' and my Dad is predicting FIVE new engagements in our extended family!). Hannah's pieces were obvious -- her 2012 highlight read "I like animals" and "I like Christmas because I get presents." If the writing wasn't a giveaway, her nervous giggle was.

Hannah was to sleep in my bed that night, and seeing how she was fading fast we both went to bed shortly after midnight. As we settled in her little voice asked in the dark: "Do you want to do a hugsleep?" I said, "What's a hugsleep?"

"Well..." she said. "It's when you're hugging but you're sleeping at the same time." And she put her little arms around me.
Through the night and morning, when she wasn't in a deep sleep she would instinctively reach her hand out to know I was there. There is something really special about feeling a little hand reach out and rest on your cheek or your arm.

Spending time with family at Christmas makes Isaac and I dream of our own future family. When he picked me up from the airport, Isaac surprised me by saying that he had been thinking along those lines. While we both want to wait a few years, we both can't help but wonder what traditions we will have for our own children one day. I always like to dream, to plan ahead, but I am learning to stop and be thankful for the simple and beautiful things in life. Right now cups of tea, Scrabble games, and a five-year-old's New Year's resolutions are the things I'm treasuring.

winter wonderland bridal shower: pinterest-style

I discovered Pinterest. I'm a little behind, I realize, but when I saw how addicted other people became I was a little wary of jumping in. I thought my sister Sonja's Winter Wonderland themed bridal shower would be a good excuse to introduce myself to Pinterest.

I am now hooked on Pinterest. I have quote boards, recipe boards, DIY boards, teaching boards, etc.

Sonja's shower was a success, and a I have to admit that most of the creative details we stole from Pinterest :) My oldest sister Kristel, the fashionista fresh from California, was the one who had the idea to have a Winter Wonderland theme. In the process of organizing (controlling?) and home-for-Christmas-busyness I only had one meltdown: I threw myself on my bed and sobbed like a baby when I saw that my younger sister had taken the liberty of setting up my note tree. My husband, poor man who grew up with mostly brothers, tried to rub my back while I blubbered at him to "leave me alone!" It was a pretty embarrassing relapse back to age eleven, but I figure that one meltdown over the whole Christmas season is okay! :)

Some Pinterest-inspired highlights:

- Mason jars + Epsom salts + tea lights = cheap, wintry candles

- Tissue paper balls from Pinterest! So easy! All I used was eight sheets of tissue paper (for each ball), gift ribbon, scissors and a bit of tape. All you do is fold the stack of tissue paper accordian-style (1-1 and a half inch), tie the middle with ribbon (leave some length to hang the tissue paper ball by), secure the ribbon with a bit of tape, cut the edges sharply or curved (I did a mix), and then separate layer by layer. They're light, cheap, and they don't droop after a few days like balloons! :) Find the full tutorial on my Pinterest board under Special Occassions! My mother, who would be the first one to tell you that she is not crafty, successfully made several of these into a beautiful piece to hang in the kitchen.

- A hot chocolate bar. The women and the kids in attendance loved this! I borrowed a perk from my super-hostess mother-in-law and filled jars with different toppings from the Bulk Barn. We got Skor bits, marshmallows, candy canes, chocolate sprinkles, cookie straws, blue sprinkles and whipped cream for toppings.

cake pops

- Cake pops! These turned out really well. I was so focused on how they looked that I began to worry about how they would taste -- but they were delicious! I used two double chocolate cake mixes. I baked the cakes and after they cooled I crumbled them finely in a bowl, one at a time. Because the cake mixes were so moist, I only used about two heaping tablespoons of icing (pre-made) for each cake mix. This was enough to roll the mix into balls. I then dipped the cake pop sticks into melted white chocolate and stuck them into the balls (so that the melted chocolate would hold the cake onto the sticks). I stuck these in the freezer for 15-20 minutes. Then I took them out and dipped each cake pop into the melted white chocolate (with a touch of lard added) and sprinkled them with blue sparkles. I didn't think ahead enough to have something for the pops to stand in while they hardened, so I had to do a few at a time and balance them in mason jars so they wouldn't touch each other while they hardened. Even though the chocolate hardened quickly, I got impatient with this process so for the second batch I simple dipped them in white chocolate, stuck them upside-down in some pretty mini-cupcake liners, and sprinkled with the blue sugar. By the time I finished both cake mixes I got about 60 pops.

the note tree

- A note tree. In each wintry invitation, guests recieved two recipe cards. One card was for them to write down their favourite recipe for the bride-to-be, and the other was to write down a piece of advice, a favourite Scripture, or a good quote. To display the pieces of advice/Scripture/quotes we set up a little note tree using a branch I had taken from the side of the road. My younger sister sprayed it with fake snow, which looked very good, I must say! We had extra pens and pieces of paper set out, as well as a jar of pre-cut ribbon. It was a really great way for people to share some wisdom with my sister as well as the other guests.






- This last idea was not from Pinterest. Using my mother's childhood wagon, we set up a wintry display. White lights under tissue paper, skates, snowflakes, jars of pine cones and a little Christmas tree ended up on the wagon. My mom was so pleased with it because the wagon had special sentimental value for her.

gift toboggan

- This idea was also not from Pinterest: a gift toboggan! Using a toboggan for the gifts was a fun way to incorporate the Winter Wonderland theme.

had to include a picture of mom's chocolate-covered strawberries! 

Kudos to my mom and sisters on throwing a beautiful shower, thanks to all the generous guests who made the effort to come to a shower only days before Christmas, and congratulations to Sonja! Oh, and thanks to all the people out there who freely share ideas on Pinterest!