first christmas abroad

For the first time in our lives, Isaac and I were not at home for Christmas. For the first time, we didn't spend Christmas Day with our parents. Familiar ornaments weren't dug out of boxes and smiled at, family functions weren't attended, and old friends didn't visit over tea. For the first time in 23 years, I didn't hang my droopy red stocking -- the same one the nurses wrapped me in the day I was born. Isaac was the only person I spent my birthday with who has known me longer than six months.

For the first time, we weren't even in Canada on Christmas Day!

Since we've been married, we've moved around. A summer in Alberta. Two years in Halifax. We're used to Skype, phone calls and mailed birthday cards. But Christmas is always a time to go home, and not going home set this year apart.

A few tips and things that made our Christmas bearable and even enjoyable, in case you find yourself abroad over the holidays:

1. Keep some familiar traditions. For us, it was very comforting to have a few traditions from home woven into our Christmas holidays. We felt connected to our families and we didn't feel like we were "missing everything." Little things, like watching White Christmas or making French onion soup on Christmas Eve helped us celebrate Christmas. Carrying on these traditions also showed our families that we missed them and value the things that they've done over the years. One of our friends here who has children snuck a mini Christmas tree into her suitcase, and that little piece of home meant a lot to her kids when Christmas rolled around. 
2. Make new traditions. You aren't home, so don't try to make it exactly like home. You'll only end up disappointed and depressed. Isaac and I bought a platform for a bonfire this year. We live in a third world city, where fires are allowed, and in a country that has summer weather all year long! Having a Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Year's Eve bonfire with our neighbours was a different way to mark the holidays. Don't try to force the place you live to fit with your Christmas plans -- incorporate things into your Christmas. Isaac and I weren't planning on getting a Christmas tree (we ended up finding a scrawny one at an expat bazaar for $7); instead we thought we would decorate a "Christmas cactus" that we could buy off the side of the road! 
3. Be creative. Part of the fun for us this year was making do with what we have. We decorated our Christmas tree with wooden clothespins. I made a garland of paper snowflakes. A friend of ours who is here with Samaritan's Purse helped her little ones celebrate Christmas by taping a paper tree on the wall. Have fun with it! This year Isaac and I put ourselves on a budget of 100,000 UGX each ($40) to spend on each other. We each pitched in half of our gift money to have the bonfire platform made, which left us with a budget of 50,000 ($20) to spend on each other. It was fun to see how much we could get for $20 (especially in a bartering culture!) and not have the financial stress Christmas usually brings. I was impressed with how much Isaac got for $20, and how much thought he put into it. He even carved me a wooden spoon that he'd been working on when he was away at his university. 
4. Enjoy the people around you. I have to say, my heart did go out to some of the single teachers here this year. While it pained me to be away from family, Isaac and I tried to enjoy a Christmas as a couple. I was dreading Christmas morning; I imagined sleeping in, lamely drinking our coffees after spending 5 minutes opening presents. Christmas morning was actually quite nice with the two of us, and then we headed out for a Christmas brunch at a friend's. Isaac made a point to celebrate my birthday twice with these crazy candles he had bought (they lit up like a blowtorch!) -- once at home and once at the brunch -- to make my birthday special, as my parents have always done. We have been so blessed by the amazing friends we have here, so surrounding ourselves with those people on Christmas Day was a wonderful way to celebrate. (The walk to the brunch was uphill, so it was a little strange to be sweating on Christmas morning.) If you are abroad and you don't have a good community around you, look beyond yourself and see other people that may need a connection over the holidays -- people who are alone, people far from home, people with kids who are struggling over the holidays. Invite them over and organize your own brunch. 
5. Skype. Hm... I have mixed feelings about this one. At the beginning of December we bought an unlimited Internet package, thinking that the more Skype with home, the better! Skype was very important to me this year, but I had to be careful with it. Sometimes it would just about break me, as much as I needed to see what was going on. My mom and I did a good job of taming our emotions -- at least until the end of the Skype calls. Breathing and blinking, we'd hold our emotions until the moment passed so we never fell into a full sob-fest. Asking my mom to share Christmas pictures with me over email, and seeing Isaac's family photos on Facebook, really helped us feel connected to home. When you live abroad (at least the first year -- after that I've heard it drops off), people are so interested in seeing your world and the communication can feel a little one-way. As much as I love to dominate a conversation, I've realized how important it is for me to see the little things that are going at home, too. 
6. Think of others. You might be having a hard time. But so are your coworkers at the international school. Wherever you are, Christmas might be a very painful time for those who have lost loved ones or those who are alone. Remember that you made the choice to live abroad, but your family back home has still lost something. 
7. Remember what you are celebrating: Christ. Cherish the opportunity to have those "extras" stripped away -- wonderful things like tradition and family and parties and friends -- to focus on Him. There is nothing wrong with those things, but there is a silver lining in having none of it to hide behind.