resting in the shadow of the almighty

Psalm 91 has become a bit of a theme for the teachers at Heritage this year. For some reason sickness has been more rampant than usual; some of the teachers seem to always have somebody in their families who is feeling sick. When the school community was going through a particularly tough time one of the teachers posted on the staff Facebook page that she felt led to pray Psalm 91 over the school. Little did she know, there were also dark spiritual battles going on at that time with a particular student who was later discovered to be deeply involved in Satanism.

This week I return again to Psalm 91. On Sunday evening I was bit by a stray dog, even though I was on the other side of the street and minding my own business. At first it seemed like more of an inconvenience than anything; being bit meant four trips to the clinic across town (over the course of the next month) to get a total of 8 anti-rabies shots. Some people back home reacted with the "Oh, too bad!" attitude that I had myself. People here in Uganda had different reactions.

The next day I got to hear stories of people here who, unable to afford the medication, die of rabies. A staff member showed me scars on his arm from when he was attacked by a rabid dog; thankfully his father had money to get him the medication, but five other people in his village died. As a Westerner, it is always a little startling to bump into something that can't be solved by modern medicine. "Wait? Rabies has no cure and is almost always fatal in humans?" (Now, the vaccines -- given promptly -- are almost 100% effective and the dog that bit me is not rabid for certain.)

Ever since renewing my commitment to regular prayer two weeks ago, I have felt mentally attacked as well. Negative thoughts, beating myself up, nightmares, feeling weary, and having people in my life do or say hurtful things seem to have popped out of nowhere. My old battle with fear and anxiety has risen up again, triggered by dog bites, school stress, and threats of terrorist attacks in Kampala.

So today I opened my Bible, first to Ephesians 6 where I'm reminded that I "wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against ... the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

On my break I turned to Psalm 91 and read it again.

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a]
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

3 Surely he will save you
    from the fowler’s snare
    and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
    nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
    ten thousand at your right hand,
    but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
    and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
    and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you,
    no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
    you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 “Because he[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble,
    I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”

It's strange how I used to read Psalm 91 metaphorically, but here in Uganda things like cobras, pestilence, and terrors in the night seem much more real. Our world is broken, and I don't believe that I have a guarantee of living in it unscathed, but I know I have a guarantee of God's peace and salvation. He alone is my refuge and my fortress -- where else can I go? 

notes on prayer

Even here in Kampala, we are still being blessed by our church in Halifax. We often listen to Pastor AJ's podcasts on the Deep Water Church website. This morning we listened to "Circle Maker: Think Long" as part of his series on prayer.

This sermon was all about the fact that we are called to long prayers -- not in terms of minutes, but in terms of how long we regularly pray about the same thing. We are called to pray until something happens.

AJ used Daniel as an example of someone committed to prayer.

When it came to prayer, Daniel had:

•  Consistency 
• Daniel prayed regularly -- even his enemies could count on his time of prayer (Daniel 6) 
• Build prayer into the fabric of your life
• Choosing a specific time of day (or general time of day) will help you build consistency 
• "It's about rhythm, not ritual." It's not about going through the motions and mumbling the same words, it's about falling into a rhythm so that when you fall out of it you notice something missing. 
• Sacred space
• You can pray anywhere but having a place for prayer -- whether it's the shower, taking a walk with your dog, or the car on the way to work -- trains your mind to turn to prayer in that place
• You should have daily places, but many people also have special places that they may not go to everyday but go to when they need a longer time of prayer. (Ex: a cathedral, a place in nature, etc) 
• This place should be free of distractions
• Symbolic posture
• This is something we have lost in today's culture
• There are different prayer postures that may be helpful for you: 
• laying on of hands 
• kneeling
• laying down (especially for private prayer) 
• having your hands raised
• hands closed together in agreement
• Quaker-style: they would begin praying with their palms down, letting go of their own plans or worries, and then as they prayed they would turn their palms up to receive what God wanted to say to them
• Tenacity 
• Keeping prayer lists can be helpful, particularly to remind yourself of things that do not directly affect you (praying for others, etc.) 
• Some people say a list is cold and mechanical, but sometimes the most loving thing you can do is ensure that you don't forget! 
• Fasting
• It's not about proving to God how bad we want something, but there is power in how it changes us and helps us focus 

Pray until something happens. After all, what's the alternative? Where else are you going to go? There are things that money, the government, celebrities, medicine and therapists can't fix. As the disciples said to Simon Peter said to Jesus, "‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life. We have believed and have come to know that You are the Holy One of God.’”

Quotable quotes from AJ Thomas: 

"Prayer is not just talking to God, but fighting alongside God. Prayer is a struggle. Prayer is work." 

"The single, most effective way we can be part of the struggle going on in the world is to pray."

"We can be patient and stick with the One we know can fix it. Or we can turn to things that we know can't."

And a cool verse from Daniel, when the angel appeared to him about he had been praying for the same thing.

"The moment you began praying, a command was given..." (Daniel 9:23)

Although we can't understand exactly how spiritual warfare works, or see the results right away, praying sets things in motion in the spiritual realm. 

spirit speak through

... even when you are in the middle of teaching a grade 8 English lesson. We're reading through The Diary of Anne Frank, the play. It's the hot season in Uganda; the fan is whirring, the kids are more restless than usual.

A hand goes up at the back of the class. An ESL student, who probably needs yet another clarification on the lesson you are teaching -- the 8 stages of genocide -- or who will shrug and say the maddening phrase: "I don't get it."

"Yes?" [Bracing myself for answering the same question for the fifth time.]

"What happens to men who rape girls?"

I'm surprised. The other students are listening and suddenly quiet. She fills the silence: "I mean, do they burn in hell? Like, forever? Why does it keep happening all the time? It seems like God isn't doing anything about it."

Huh.

Now, what did my education instructor say about this one? It never came up in student teaching. 

"Well..." I begin slowly. This girl is a refugee. She has been to hell and back. I don't know her full story, and the students know even less than I do. They don't fully understand what she is asking.

Suddenly, bumper sticker theology and pat Christian phrases don't seem to cut it.

"Well, I don't know."

I don't know? Aren't those the words a teacher isn't supposed to say? 

"The only thing I know that God will bring about judgment and somehow make things right. I don't know exactly what that will look like. I can only trust that the Bible says God's justice is perfect. Somehow he'll take our broken, messed up world and judge perfectly."

I look down, toy with a paper on my desk. "You know, I get angry about that kind of stuff. Sometimes I feel like I'm not supposed to be angry, that it's not godly or right for a Christian to be angry. But open the Bible -- God is angry about injustice, oppression. It's not wrong to feel angry. Looking at these things in history, looking at the Holocaust, it makes you wonder where God is."

 I suddenly recall one of CS Lewis' responses.

"God is responsible for our freedom, but he can't be held responsible for our choices. And maybe ..." [here comes Amy Carmichael kicking in] "Maybe the very things that we ask God to do something about are the things that we should be doing something about. We are the hands and feet, the body of Christ."

And finally, admitting:

"This will come up later in the unit as we learn about the Holocaust. There are people a lot smarter than me who have grappled with these questions, and I want to bring you the best resources that I can."

I didn't expect that question. Right now, this week, I can't stand that class because they're driving me batty and I'm handing out detentions right and left. Yet that moment was a reminder of why I'm a teacher, the moments that truly matter and the moments that students will remember. I felt in over my head, but also felt that I was being supported and lifted by the Holy Spirit. And maybe even if I messed up the exact words, the Spirit still got through: God is real, God loves you, God heals you, God is just. You trust him with anything, you can ask him anything.

first christmas abroad

For the first time in our lives, Isaac and I were not at home for Christmas. For the first time, we didn't spend Christmas Day with our parents. Familiar ornaments weren't dug out of boxes and smiled at, family functions weren't attended, and old friends didn't visit over tea. For the first time in 23 years, I didn't hang my droopy red stocking -- the same one the nurses wrapped me in the day I was born. Isaac was the only person I spent my birthday with who has known me longer than six months.

For the first time, we weren't even in Canada on Christmas Day!

Since we've been married, we've moved around. A summer in Alberta. Two years in Halifax. We're used to Skype, phone calls and mailed birthday cards. But Christmas is always a time to go home, and not going home set this year apart.

A few tips and things that made our Christmas bearable and even enjoyable, in case you find yourself abroad over the holidays:

1. Keep some familiar traditions. For us, it was very comforting to have a few traditions from home woven into our Christmas holidays. We felt connected to our families and we didn't feel like we were "missing everything." Little things, like watching White Christmas or making French onion soup on Christmas Eve helped us celebrate Christmas. Carrying on these traditions also showed our families that we missed them and value the things that they've done over the years. One of our friends here who has children snuck a mini Christmas tree into her suitcase, and that little piece of home meant a lot to her kids when Christmas rolled around. 
2. Make new traditions. You aren't home, so don't try to make it exactly like home. You'll only end up disappointed and depressed. Isaac and I bought a platform for a bonfire this year. We live in a third world city, where fires are allowed, and in a country that has summer weather all year long! Having a Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Year's Eve bonfire with our neighbours was a different way to mark the holidays. Don't try to force the place you live to fit with your Christmas plans -- incorporate things into your Christmas. Isaac and I weren't planning on getting a Christmas tree (we ended up finding a scrawny one at an expat bazaar for $7); instead we thought we would decorate a "Christmas cactus" that we could buy off the side of the road! 
3. Be creative. Part of the fun for us this year was making do with what we have. We decorated our Christmas tree with wooden clothespins. I made a garland of paper snowflakes. A friend of ours who is here with Samaritan's Purse helped her little ones celebrate Christmas by taping a paper tree on the wall. Have fun with it! This year Isaac and I put ourselves on a budget of 100,000 UGX each ($40) to spend on each other. We each pitched in half of our gift money to have the bonfire platform made, which left us with a budget of 50,000 ($20) to spend on each other. It was fun to see how much we could get for $20 (especially in a bartering culture!) and not have the financial stress Christmas usually brings. I was impressed with how much Isaac got for $20, and how much thought he put into it. He even carved me a wooden spoon that he'd been working on when he was away at his university. 
4. Enjoy the people around you. I have to say, my heart did go out to some of the single teachers here this year. While it pained me to be away from family, Isaac and I tried to enjoy a Christmas as a couple. I was dreading Christmas morning; I imagined sleeping in, lamely drinking our coffees after spending 5 minutes opening presents. Christmas morning was actually quite nice with the two of us, and then we headed out for a Christmas brunch at a friend's. Isaac made a point to celebrate my birthday twice with these crazy candles he had bought (they lit up like a blowtorch!) -- once at home and once at the brunch -- to make my birthday special, as my parents have always done. We have been so blessed by the amazing friends we have here, so surrounding ourselves with those people on Christmas Day was a wonderful way to celebrate. (The walk to the brunch was uphill, so it was a little strange to be sweating on Christmas morning.) If you are abroad and you don't have a good community around you, look beyond yourself and see other people that may need a connection over the holidays -- people who are alone, people far from home, people with kids who are struggling over the holidays. Invite them over and organize your own brunch. 
5. Skype. Hm... I have mixed feelings about this one. At the beginning of December we bought an unlimited Internet package, thinking that the more Skype with home, the better! Skype was very important to me this year, but I had to be careful with it. Sometimes it would just about break me, as much as I needed to see what was going on. My mom and I did a good job of taming our emotions -- at least until the end of the Skype calls. Breathing and blinking, we'd hold our emotions until the moment passed so we never fell into a full sob-fest. Asking my mom to share Christmas pictures with me over email, and seeing Isaac's family photos on Facebook, really helped us feel connected to home. When you live abroad (at least the first year -- after that I've heard it drops off), people are so interested in seeing your world and the communication can feel a little one-way. As much as I love to dominate a conversation, I've realized how important it is for me to see the little things that are going at home, too. 
6. Think of others. You might be having a hard time. But so are your coworkers at the international school. Wherever you are, Christmas might be a very painful time for those who have lost loved ones or those who are alone. Remember that you made the choice to live abroad, but your family back home has still lost something. 
7. Remember what you are celebrating: Christ. Cherish the opportunity to have those "extras" stripped away -- wonderful things like tradition and family and parties and friends -- to focus on Him. There is nothing wrong with those things, but there is a silver lining in having none of it to hide behind. 

funny things

As much as I want to tear my hair out some days, I can't help but enjoy my students. I haven't taught long enough to have a "favourite" age, but while the middle school years have rightfully earned their reputation for being a little crazy, there is something special about them, too. My students are half-child, open with their emotions and asking ridiculous questions. They're half-adult, too, awkwardly figuring out who they are and how they fit in, sometimes pretending that they know it all and sometimes admitting that they are in unfamiliar territory.

Along the way, they say some funny things.

Right now the features of middle school seem to magnified as we are doing a series of chapels (we have chapel every Wednesday) where boys and girls are divided and we talk about sex, puberty, relationships, etc. Anonymous questions were filled out on cards, and as teachers we are going from there. Unfortunately we assumed that the grade 6 class had learned "the basics" in grade 5. When I casually mentioned this to the grade 5 teacher at the photocopying machine she turned to me with a confused look on her face.  When we investigated further, we realized that, no, "the basics" are covered in science class later this quarter. Chapels should be interesting as we are starting from scratch!

After the first chapel one the grade 6 boys came into my class and asked: "Miss, were you weird when you were a girl in grade 6?"
Me: "Yeah, I probably was ... How was the boys' chapel?"
Him: [dramatically clutching his chest and sinking to the ground] "Good-bye, childhood!"

The grade 8 students were a little annoyed at having the grade 6 students in the same group as them for discussions. I told them they had a choice: they could be lame and check out and put a damper on it for everybody, or they could step up and be leaders. I have to say, the grade 8 girls really did step up in our discussion time.
But I didn't realize grade 6 also had concerns ...
Grade 6 boy: "Why are we all in one group? They've got us grade six kids in there with gorillas who have to shave twice a day!"

The science teacher was informed that the grade 6 students had not yet learned the basics, so he proceeded to begin the "healthy body" unit. After one of the first classes, where he got into the basic mechanics of reproduction, a boy at the back of the class said: "Hey, Mr. Costley, I think I've seen dogs do that thing you're talking about!"
Mr. Costley: "Yup, maybe..."
Boy: [with a look of sudden realization] "My mom said they were playing tag!"

And one last student quote that has nothing to do with chapel, but is very much about English class:
Me: "Give me an example of a metaphor."
Ugandan student: "You're the beans to my posho!"

You know you teach in Uganda when ...

cheese please

How to make a simple goat cheese in Uganda:

One of the things we miss the most here is good cheese! A lot of what you find in stores (if you find any!) is rubbery and tasteless. If you do find the rare good cheese, it is very expensive. I have never made cheese before, and I was a little cautious of trying it because it sounded so complicated: rennet, cheesecloth, cheese press, waxing the cheese ... huh?

I came across this very simple recipe for goat cheese that didn't require rennet, only lemon juice: http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2010/02/how-to-make-goat-cheese-recipe.html  I followed the recipe almost exactly except that I put in extra lemon juice, because the lemons here seem to be less... lemony. 

Step 1: Find goat milk. There are goats everywhere -- everywhere! -- but if you ask anyone about goat milk they look at you funny. I looked it up, and there is a guy outside of Jinja who is one of the few dairy goat farmers in the country (probably in East Africa!) He's made a little business for himself with his herd of dairy goats, and is trying to make people aware of the benefits of goat milk. A supermarket within walking distance (sometimes) carries his company's goat yoghurt and goat milk. One day I was lucky and they actually had jugs of goat milk in the fridge!

Once you have the goat milk, the rest is easy. There's probably half a dozen ladies on my street who sell lemons, I borrowed a thermometer from a friend (couldn't find that in stores -- but if you don't have one, I wonder what would happen if you just heated up the goat milk on a gas stove for 20 minutes like I did?), and from what I hear cheesecloth can be substituted with many different materials (even read that clean handkerchiefs work). My neighbour had cheesecloth, so I borrowed his.

The final product: goat cheese! I added some garlic, salt and a bit of rosemary. I found I liked it better the next day, after I had pressed it together and left it in the fridge. It was good, but I'm still tweaking it to try to make it creamier. It was very good with spaghetti and mango salsa, but I'm still not confident enough to serve it on its own! For a first try, it was a success.