a poem - maybe i need africa

On the way back to Uganda last August, we had a terrible time! Roadblocks and headaches at every turn. We got on the plane in Toronto not knowing if we would be approved for missionary status with the PAOC, not knowing if any opportunity would come up for Isaac. The numbers didn't add up, "the plan" didn't seem to make complete sense. I wrote a few poems as we crossed the Atlantic, and here is one of them. I feel like I'm in that place again, always trying to talk to God about things that I'm focused on -- money, security, health -- and He just quietly draws me to Himself. He doesn't tell me what to do, or give the answers I'm looking for, but makes me crack open my Bible instead or become reliant on regular time in prayer. And I think maybe I miss the main point, and maybe the point is getting to a place of dependence on Him. 

The verse above my mirror right now: "I have set the Lord always before me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me." Psalm 16:8 

*Just a note: If you are African, and resent Africa being represented only as a place of trial, I'm sorry. If you are not in Africa, and think that it's only about Africa, you're wrong. Right now, and especially on that plane ride, Africa represented where we felt called to be, the unknown, and potential difficulties. Your Africa may look totally different than mine. 

Maybe I Need Africa

Maybe

I need Africa

More than she needs me.

Maybe

The ones who stay behind

Are stronger.

Maybe

You call the weaker ones 

To a path that’s longer.

Maybe

Picket fences would strangle me

Maybe

Money would quench me.

Maybe

Predictability would lure me off my knees.

Maybe

This stretching, these changes

Save me.

I’m prone to wander, Lord,

I feel it. 

Maybe

Struggles will be the fetter

Maybe

Africa makes me better.

Hot sun searing off the fat

Savannah breezes blowing away the chaff

Maybe

My prayers shouldn't be about money, health

-- Even security

Maybe

The point is to bind

My wandering heart to Thee.