the big question

The big question buzzing around Heritage right now is, "Will you be staying next year?" This question crops up again and again in conversations with other teachers, with our friends here, and between Isaac and I. There are only a few teachers who have signed on to a two-year contract; others are finishing up a two-year contract or only came here committed to one year. A few weeks ago Isaac and I were eating lunch with our neighbours and started rating the different teachers, guessing at the chance of them staying for another year.

"The Bogles? Hm ... maybe 67%."

"I give the Costleys 85%."

At this point, whether or not we stay for another year hinges on Isaac and what doors open for him. There are so many options that go through our minds, and it seems that every day I think a different one is "the best option." We could go back to Canada and start settling down. We could go deeper into the needs here in Africa, maybe to a place like Sudan. We could go to the Middle East or northern Canada to pay off our student loans. We could end up in Europe. We could stay here in Uganda, with me teaching at Heritage, for several more years.

This morning at church the sermon was based on the story of Abram and Hagar. Abram and his wife Sarai, growing tired of waiting on God's promise of a son and discouraged by their infertility, decide that Abram should sleep with Sarai's servant Hagar to build their family through her. The story is in many ways a warning, but there is also a thread of hope that runs through it.

The pastor spoke about how God can bless anything, even our blunders. The Bible is full of examples of God working through mistakes and detours. He is gracious, and He is the Redeemer. But when we choose to make our own plans, the blunders that follow will certainly have consequences.

Don't ask whether or not God can bless your plans. He can bless anything. Don't ask whether or not God will bless your plan -- He works together all things for the good of them that love Him.

Ask the big question: "God, is this Your plan?"

Perhaps that sounds simple, but it was a real light bulb moment for me sitting in the service. There are so many plans -- and I love to plan -- that could turn out well, that God could bless in the long run. Sometimes I construct carefully laid-out plans and just before stepping into them, put them before God and ask for His token of blessing. A surface stamp of approval.

But I need to stop and wait and listen. I need to ask, "What is Your plan?"

Right now there doesn't seem to be a clear answer about next year. I struggle with the silence of God, and try to fill that silence with my own voice. Maybe I will struggle with the answer, if it ever comes. Throwing your own plans out the window and truly saying "I will follow You wherever You lead me" is easier said than done.

A few weeks ago I was reading Isaiah 30 in my devotions. I was struck by verse 21: "Your own ears will hear Him. Right behind you a voice will say, 'This is the way you should go'..." Or, in the King James, "This is the way, walk ye in it."

I am asking God for faith to trust Him and wait on Him. Even as time passes and certain deadlines for decisions draw near, I felt like God was speaking through His word to comfort me. He will speak, answers will come, in His perfect timing.