review: girls like us

I just finished reading Rachel Lloyd’s memoir, Girls Like Us. Lloyd, originally from England, became entrapped in the commercial sex industry while living in Germany as a runaway teenager. While in Germany she broke out of “the life” through the church community at a nearby military base. She moved to the United States as a missionary, and eventually started her own non-profit organization, GEMS, an outreach to girls who are in the sex industry in New York City.

In Girls Like Us, Lloyd frames general information about the sex industry around her own personal experience. Chapters focus on different aspects of the industry: recruitment, reasons girls stay, pimps, johns, cops, what enables women to leave, etc. Each chapter begins with her Lloyd’s own experience, and then launches into the experiences of other girls at GEMS, supported by psychological and sociological research.

This book is a powerful one. Lloyd’s passion burns off the pages. I became emotionally connected to the different girls’ stories that Lloyd shared, as well as her own healing process that she shared so honestly. At the same time, I learned a lot of information about the reality of the sex industry.

One of Lloyd’s major points is that we need to stop viewing exploited girls as criminals, and start viewing them as victims. While for many people the word “prostitute” conjures up surly, drug-addicted, “loose” women the reality is that the average age of entry for prostitution in the United States is thirteen! When you hear “teenage prostitute,” think of a twelve year old. An eleven year old.

Lloyd raises the important point: when a prostitute is from a foreign country, why is it so much easier for us to see her as a victim, even if she made the “choice” to move here?

Although Lloyd doesn’t focus on spiritual conversion, and it is not the central mission of GEMS (although prayer and faith play a major role), I was so encouraged to read how it was so clearly the love of God that plucked her out of the sex industry. I was humbled, reminded how Jesus loved the shunned, the prostitutes, the sinners, the broken, the oppressed. Guess what? He still does, and we’re called to do the same.

Some quotes from Girls Like Us:

“In one way or another, through abuse, neglect, abandonment, we’d [exploited girls] been primed for predatory men, for an industry that would use us up and spit us out.” (27)

“I find that there is a common belief from people asking about my work, that sexually exploited girls must be drug addicted, and that it is the addiction that fuels the exploitation. Yet. . . I’ve found very few girls who are addicted to ‘hard’ drugs and for whom the addiction came prior to the exploitation. . . Girls weren’t drug addicted, they were love addicted, and that, I’d learn, is far harder to treat.” (38)

“Of course many children who grow up in challenging economic situations thrive, but the reality is that far too many don’t, and too many children’s futures can be determined by zip code.” (40)

“Children are vulnerable just by virtue of being children. . . Pimps understand child psychology and adolescent development well enough to know the dynamics at play and skillfully manipulate most children…into a situation where they can be forced or coerced into being sold for sex.” (46)

“Prostitution is viewed as a victimless crime, a statement that denies the humanity or victimhood of the women and girls involved.” (126)

[When Lloyd decided to leave her pimp:] “But the thought that maybe I have a greater purpose leads me to a small nondenominational American church the following Sunday, and that sets me on a path that will result in my walking away from the life two months later and never going back. This inexplicable belief in God’s love for me at a critical moment sustains me over the next few months, and ultimately over the next decade.” (171)

“ ‘Rescuing’ trafficking victims may sound like a fantastic idea, but talk to any service provider who works with these children and youth, whether in India, Cambodia, Ukraine, Atlanta, or Brooklyn, and you’ll hear that the reality is a little more complex. Victims rarely rush gratefully into your open arms; they’re not immediately compliant with shelter regulations; they don’t trust the people trying to help them. They’re tired and traumatized and hurting and lonely and depressed and scared and to them, missing the life is as normal as breathing. Healing is a messy, complicated process that’s rarely linear.” (163)

“Domestic violence is often framed as a result of uncontrollable passion, leading girls to believe that men who don’t hit are apathetic and uncaring. It’s not surprising that so many teenage girls accept violence as part of their relationships – violence as an expression of love.” (199)

“The sex industry isn’t about choice, it’s about lack of choices.” (219)